The wonderful Deepali Naair invited me to give a talk at the IBM Security Summit today and the topic was making your fear your fuel.
When I opened my wardrobe to pull out what I would wear, I thought of my topic. I had already pulled out a black lace top and black trousers. Safe, comforting, I always wear black when I have to give a talk, it makes me worry less about my clothes, about inner wear showing through, about stains, I like to think it slims me down a tad for the camera, and trousers are comfort wear. I can move around on stage, I can climb up and down with ease.
Then I stopped myself. What have I always been most terrified about I asked myself, when it came to what I wore when giving a talk. I would do anything to avoid getting into a saree. I’m terrible at draping, can’t fuss about to fold and pleat perfectly, I can never get it perfect at the hem, so it goes up and down like gently bobbing waves, I’m always terrified it will unravel completely when I’m on stage, and that I’ll be standing up there gathering yards of fabric. I’m terrified I will impale myself on those safety pins and die a horrible death from septicemia, basically all the worst case situations I fill my head with.
So today, I wore a saree. I eliminated all my fears one by one. Wore a soft paisley print Satya Paul chiffon filched from my mother in law’s extensive collection, so I could drape it easily. Wore a metallic bronze Zara round t-shirt so I wouldn’t panic about skin show, bra strap show, etc Wore flat Kolhapuri chappals so there was no stress about tripping. Wore the pallu around my neck so it didn’t trail behind me and snag on something, and topple me head first into the stage lights. It was a first. But I think I can conquer this mind block too, what say?